U.S. Government Now Accepts Venmo—Because That’ll Fix the $36 Trillion National Debt

Washington, D.C. – In a bold new step toward solving a problem the size of the moon with a thimble, the U.S. Treasury has announced that citizens can now send Venmo payments to the federal government in an attempt to help reduce the $36 trillion national debt. Yes, really.

Starting today, Americans can log onto Pay.gov and donate for the debt that grows by about $55,000 every second—because apparently, your iced coffee budget might be the key to balancing Uncle Sam’s books.

“We’ve modernized the way Americans can donate to the federal government,” a Treasury spokesperson said. “Now you can send us money just like you split a bar tab—with equal futility.”

Here’s How to Pay the Debt:

1. Go to Pay.gov

2. Find the form labeled “Gifts to Reduce the Public Debt”

3. Select Venmo or PayPal (or good old-fashioned bank transfer)

4. Enter any amount—$1, $5, the entirety of your existential dread

5. Hit “Submit” and feel good for six seconds

And remember: these donations are not tax-deductible, because why make it make sense?

Fun Facts:

• The U.S. public debt is roughly $36 trillion

• That’s about $108,000 per person, including babies and your dog

• In 2022, all public donations combined totaled just $180,310

“This won’t solve the debt, but it might make you feel like you tried,” Axios stated in an article about this topic.

So whether you’re feeling generous, ironic, or just bored, now’s your chance to Venmo the government like it’s your roommate who forgot rent again.

Because nothing says “fiscal policy” like a peer-to-peer payment app.

Disclaimer: This won’t actually fix the debt, but it might fix your relationship with guilt. Consult your financial therapist before donating.