On International Women’s Day Women Must Show More Self-Compassion

By Colette Fehr, LMFT, LMHC

Every year, as we celebrate International Women’s Day on March 8, the world applauds women’s strength, resilience and contributions to society. But just two days earlier, on March 6, a lesser-known observance, National Self-Compassion Day, offers a moment of reflection on something too often overlooked: how well women take care of themselves.

Despite all the progress made in gender equality, women remain the emotional backbone of relationships, families and communities. They juggle careers, childcare, housework and social expectations, all while managing the silent burden of emotional labor. This imbalance is a leading factor in why women are more likely than men to initiate breakups. They are exhausted, not just from their workloads, but from the disproportionate effort they put into maintaining relationships and shouldering others’ emotions.

The question is: If women are strong enough to bear the weight of others, why aren’t they prioritizing themselves?

Women are taught from an early age to nurture, to put others first, to smooth over conflicts and to offer emotional support without expecting the same in return. When they finally reach a breaking point, it’s not because they are weak, but rather it’s because they have spent years neglecting their own well-being in service of others.

Self-compassion is not selfish. It is necessary. Just as women fight for equal pay, reproductive rights and workplace opportunities, they must also advocate for their own emotional and mental well-being. The message of National Self-Compassion Day aligns perfectly with the theme of International Women’s Day: Empowered women empower others, but they cannot pour from an empty cup.

Imagine if, instead of feeling guilty for taking time to themselves, women embraced self-care as an essential part of their routine; if they set boundaries in relationships that demanded mutual emotional effort; and if they recognized that their needs are just as important as those they care for.

As a therapist, I see it every day in my office. Women sit across from me, their shoulders heavy with exhaustion, their voices cracking under the strain of always having to be the strong one. They tell me how they listen, comfort and problem-solve, yet rarely receive the same in return. They describe the emotional toll of being the default nurturer, the one who notices when something is wrong, who asks the difficult questions, who absorbs the anger, sadness, and stress of their partners while their own needs go unacknowledged. The burden feels like drowning while keeping everyone else afloat, like screaming into a void where their own emotions are never fully heard. And when they finally decide to walk away, it’s not because they didn’t love enough. It’s because they loved too much at the cost of themselves.

This year, let’s not just celebrate women’s achievements. Let’s encourage them to be kind to themselves, to step away from the unrealistic expectations of being everything to everyone, and to prioritize their own well-being. Women should not have to leave relationships to find peace. They should be fostering it within themselves every day.

The good news is it’s easier than most women realize to nurture themselves and reclaim their emotional well-being. Start by setting boundaries. Learn to say no and establish limits in relationships that drain emotional energy. Put a focus on self-care by scheduling time for activities that bring joy and relaxation, whether it’s reading, exercise or quiet solitude. Surround yourself with friends, therapists or support groups that offer emotional reciprocity. Practice mindfulness by engaging in meditation, journaling or deep breathing to reconnect with your own needs and emotions. Most important, let go of guilt. Understand that self-care is not selfish. It is necessary for long-term well-being.

This National Self-Compassion Day and International Women’s Day, let’s redefine what strength means. It’s not about enduring exhaustion. It’s about valuing oneself enough to say, “I deserve care, too.”

Colette Fehr is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist, Licensed Mental Health Counselor, TEDx speaker, podcast host of “Insights from The Couch,” and author of the book “The Cost of Quiet,” coming soon from Penguin Random House. https://www.colettejanefehr.com/